Transitions: When the Rules We Lived by No Longer Apply
We go through several transitions in life. Some of the most common ones include childhood to puberty, school to work, single to married, self-care to parenthood, working to stay-at-home, working to retirement, and married to divorced.
Rules No Longer Apply
What all of these transitions have in common is that the rules people used to live by no longer apply. Some reject that. They try to hold onto the previous stage, refusing to change their behavior. Sometimes the outcome is mildly amusing — like when someone resists growing up — other times devastating.
Life Moves in One Direction
Here’s the thing. Life moves in one direction, forward. The better prepared we are for the inevitability of change, and the more we can adapt to new circumstances, the easier our journey. Accepting this fact is a great beginning.
Event + Response = Outcome
Jack Canfield used this formula in all of his talks back in the day. He reminded his audiences that outcomes in life are based on a combination of life events and our responses to them. When events change, we must adapt our responses.
Some people blame events for all their misfortunes in life. Others think that everything happens because of how they think and act. The reality is that it takes both. All of life is a combination of events and the mental, verbal and action steps we take.
Coaching Can Help
Recently, I’ve been working with several people who are going through transitions. One woman lost her husband in a tragic accident and is reinventing her life. Another woman is fast approaching retirement and hadn’t really thought about what life would be like after she stopped working. And a man I worked with used to be an entrepreneur, retired, but couldn’t get himself to stop doing business, even though he didn’t need the money. It left him feeling unfulfilled.
Things to Think About
When you go through inevitable transitions in life, here are a few things to consider.
What are the new rules?
How is this era of life different from the previous one? What are the new rules you need to live by? For instance, the biggest difference from childhood to adulthood is increased responsibility.
Sometimes we don’t know what the new rules are. Last year, I learned about the happiness curve. It describes a measurable dip in happiness between forty and fifty. I wish I’d known about that earlier.
How do you need to adapt?
Events have changed. How are you going to adapt to your new situation? Some transitions are foreseeable, and you can prepare. Others happen out of the blue. And sometimes, people pretend that a foreseeable transition is not coming, which, predictably, catches them off guard. In any case, you can focus on your response to the events and contemplate how you can change your thoughts, words or deeds to adapt.
What is the same about you?
No matter the transitions, you are still you. What is it that remains the same throughout all transitions? Knowing the answer will help you navigate new terrain because it gives you a centering point.
Have your values changed?
When I was younger, my values were decidedly different. My main focus was to have fun. As I aged, my focus shifted from myself to helping others. The value of service is now embedded in my heart. Whenever I can assist another human being, it makes me feel valuable. What are your values? Which ones have stayed the same, and which ones have changed? Again, knowing this will help you find balance when the new terrain knocks you sideways.
Do you need to learn new skills?
My friend, Marc Miller at Career Pivot, says that as careers advance or change, we need to be willing to pivot. That may include learning something new. The same can be true of other areas, such as relationships. The learning category can consist of anything from the tangible, such as sewing or woodworking, to the intangible, such as interpersonal skills, goal setting, time management, and mindfulness.
What skills would help you during the transition you are going through or the ones that you anticipate?
Steadiness and Adaptability
As you can see, the two most important things you can foster if you want to move through transitions with more ease are steadiness and adaptability. Knowing who you are, what you can do, and what you value will provide you with steadiness. Accepting that “to everything, there is a season” and that transitions are a part of life will help you adapt.
Gudjon Bergmann
www.beheregetthere.com
I Help People Achieve Clarity, Manage Stress, Reduce Anxiety, and Write Books. Book a free discovery session today.
